The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
