that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
