p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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