I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
