Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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