He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
