So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
