i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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