Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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