Define "chronic" masturbator.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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