Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
