no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
