u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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