Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
