Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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