u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
