Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
