Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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