I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
