Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
