she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
