I'm drive I can fine osifer
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
