Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
