Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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