he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So much rum. So many feels.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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