Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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