i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's just like the Real World with babies
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
