How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
