He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
