it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
