well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize