So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
