Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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