We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
