Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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