So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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