I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
