Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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