my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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