your thong is hanging out like whoa
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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