I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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