also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Welp...herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
