I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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