Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are we still banned from the library?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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