dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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