My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
