I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
