He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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