My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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