I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize