ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
