So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
