Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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