That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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