i permit you to call me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
