I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
