Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
