I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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