There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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