i permit you to call me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
