I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
