remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
