Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
