my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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