there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
