some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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