I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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