What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
